How to react to criticism and nasty people. Fogging technique.

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How to deal with criticism

The Fogging technique

How do you react when someone harshly criticizes you? If you are like most people you will either deny the criticism, feel hurt, or start criticizing back.

The book of Proverbs in the Bible (15:1) says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath [extreme anger], But a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Here is a way that will not only help you remain calm when someone criticizes you, but if you practice it, particularly with a friend, it may turn into a lot of fun.

Fogging

Fogging works by reacting to criticism like an object hitting a fog. You simply can't hit a fog. You can't dent it, it doesn't care what you do to it, and you can't hurt its feelings. It remains calm until it's ready to go away. Fogging off criticism works in a similar way.

Agree with any truth

First off, take notice only of the words people use in their criticism. Don't look for hidden meanings, or what you think they mean, or bring up any criticism of them.

If they say, “You look terrible. Your hair is messed up, your clothes are wrinkled, and you look like something the cat dragged in,” agree with something in their statement.

You could respond, “You're right. I could look better.”

(“A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1)

The point is, we can all look better sometimes, so instead of being defensive, agree with some or all of the truth in their statement. You don't raise your voice, don't look like you've got your feelings hurt, and you haven't given them an opportunity to upset you. It's just like their criticism went through a fog. It didn't make an impact.

Often, they won't know what to say next.

Agree with probable truth

What if things they say are not true?

If someone said you had an elephant sitting on your head, how would you react? It's not true and you would probably burst out laughing or think the person was nuts.

That's how you react to something that's not true.

But what is more likely is that their statements will have some truth, or at least will be doubtful unless all the circumstances are made clear. So you fog by agreeing with the likelihood that there is some truth in what they say.

Say your teacher says you are the stupidest person he has ever taught. You don't know everyone the teacher has taught, so you agree with the possibility.

We are all stupid when compared to the brilliant minds of people like Leonardo da Vinci or the great scientist Sir Isaac Newton (photo at left).

So you could respond, “You're probably right. Sometimes I'm amazed by the things I don't know.”

(“A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1)

Remember, respond only to the words that people use in criticism. Don't respond to something extra they may mean or to anything they didn't say.

Respond like their criticism is hitting a fog.

Britt and Tom practice fogging

Britt: Where have you been, Tom? You're 30 minutes late.

Tom: You're right. I am late.

Britt: You're always late. Can't you ever get anywhere on time?

Tom: It does seem like I'm always running late, doesn't it.

Britt: And you've worn your old dirty clothes, which makes it worse.

Tom: Yes, I could have dressed better.

Britt: I think you just don't care about me.

Tom: I can see you do think that.

Britt: All you're doing is agreeing with me. It seems like you can't think for yourself any more.

Tom: You're probably right. It must seem that way to you.

Britt: It sounds like you're a chicken-livered, spineless, yes-man.

Tom: Yes, it does sound like that, doesn't it.

Britt: Well, now I think you're the most feeble-minded, spineless, ugly, dumbest, half-brained idiot I've ever come across.

Tom: I'm sure you do think that.

Results

From the exchange between Britt and Tom you can see that Tom simply responds to Britt's words. When she says “I think you …”, he responds “I'm sure you do think that”. When she says “It sounds like” he responds “it does sound like that”.

(“A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1)

Fogging puts the person doing the criticizing on the defensive, because they soon find that the more abusive and louder they become, the less it affects you.

Start using fogging today. It will keep you calm and may change your life.

Photo of Mount Lushan fog is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution ShareAlike 2.5 License. In short: you are free to share and make derivative works of the file under the conditions that you appropriately attribute it, and that you distribute it only under a license identical to this one. Official license.

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