Criticizing others can be dangerous.
Opinion
Criticizing is risky business
How people find out you've been criticizing them
By Jodi Klum : May 8, 2009
We are nearly all guilty of it. But we rarely think of the consequences. I'm talking about criticizing people.
I was talking with a group of friends and acquaintances after a girls' night out. One of them — whom I didn't know very well — said, “My boss is such a cheapskate. He pays me a pittance and watches me like a hawk because he seems to expect me to steal everything. I have no respect for the creep, and couldn't care less if someone rips him off.”
“Where do you work?” Linda asked.
“At Lerozo's”, she replied.
There was a short silence, during which Linda looked at Sue.
“Really?” said Sue.
“My husband runs Lerozo's.”
Oops! I'm not sure if she kept her job when news got back to her boss, but we all learned a valuable lesson from this. It doesn't pay to criticize if you do not know the background of the people you are complaining to.
I have seen this kind of thing over and over. People who should know better will criticize some racial group without the slightest thought that people from that race are among those listening. Or someone at work will criticize another member of staff with no thought that the person they are criticizing is within hearing distance.
Or people will criticize either indiscreetly or with no care about who is listening. Britain's Communities Secretary Hazel Blears perhaps fell into this category last week when she mocked Prime Minister Gordon Brown's awkward performance on YouTube. Moments later, Hazel Blears was fighting to keep her job. As the BBC's Ross Hawkins said of Blears, “It is difficult to describe the government's communications efforts as a 'lamentable failure', then persuade people you did not mean to criticise the prime minister.”
There are three main reasons that people find out about “secret” criticisms.
- Too many people will tell the person criticized what you said because they are loyal or want to win their favor.
- Too many people are troublemakers, and make it their goal in life to stir up trouble where they can.
- The six degrees of separation principle kicks in. (Six degrees of separation is the theory that anyone can be connected to any other person on the planet through a chain of acquaintances that has no more than six steps.)
This is not to say that criticism doesn't have its place at the right time. Wrongdoing needs to be criticized, such as sexting, train surfing, and cyber-bullying. And constructive criticism, when done in the right spirit, has helped generations of athletes, orators and others who want to know how to improve their skills.
Unwanted and unnececessary criticism is different. Someone will know the person you are criticizing. They will have family, friends, and acquaintances who are likely to be lurking near you. And they will tell that person about your criticism — either because they are loyal or because they enjoy seeing people squirm.
I like the Bible's attitude to criticism. In Matthew 7 Jesus warns His disciples to avoid being critical of faults in others while ignoring greater faults in themselves.
That passage is bursting with good advice. It not only encourages us to realize that we all have faults, but if we spend even a moment thinking about it before we criticize someone, it may save us from getting into a whole lot of embarrassing trouble.
Other opinion pieces:
- Michael Jackson: He almost had it all
- Sexting kills
- Cyber-bullying: What teens should know but don't
- Ban the burqa? (And cut down on stonings and amputations while you're at it)
- Train surfing: See the world while you lose your limbs
- Did John Lennon sell his soul to the Devil?
- Miss California vs. The Beast Perez Hilton
- 3 easiest ways to lose weight?
- Early human fossil turns out to be an ape
- Evolution trees: The problem with those dotted lines
- Latest “missing link” turns out to be just a dead animal
- Evolution of laughter? Ha ha ha
- Why have people stopped being polite?
- Abortion doctor shot dead
- Teen heroes: Bullets, blazing houses, and speeding trains don't stop them.
- Why birds have NOT evolved from dinosaurs
List of opinion articles.
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